Funniest RT you heard

Aviation Humour....

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michael747
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Post by michael747 » Fri Dec 16, 2005 5:47 pm

In all fairness now DUTCH i think F***y always sounds nervous on the radio!!! Couldn't stop laughin when i heard him before.

eeeh, i duno but eeeeeh :D and
yum yum yum yum :D
- guess who dutch and be discreet!!!

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Post by AndyMax » Fri Dec 16, 2005 11:01 pm

captain of DC3 to a very small GA aircraft: ah thats a lovely cute small plane ya have there. Did you build it yourself?

GA aircraft: I did actually. I made it out of DC3 parts and another landing like your's again and I will have more parts for another one!

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aviateire
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Post by aviateire » Sat Jan 07, 2006 11:25 pm

Cant really remember any.... Some snippets of different RT taken from a website:

"If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor."

"Air Force '45, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected."

"Citation 123, if you quit calling me Center, I'll quit calling you twin Cessna."

"About three miles ahead, you've got traffic 12 o'clock, five miles."

"I am way too busy for anybody to cancel on me."

"You're gonna have to key the mic. I can't see you when you nod your head."


"Put your compass on 'E' and get out of my airspace."

"Don't anybody maintain anything."

"Climb like your life depends on it...because it does."

"If you want more room, captain, push your seat back."

"For radar identification, throw your jumpseat rider out the window."

"Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings.." "OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!"

The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"
_______________________________________________________

When I was on very short finals i.e selecting Vat. a friend, who was at the runway holding point, gets the call to "position and hold", the lad replies "cleared for takeoff" in his best accent at that stage I was in late stages of flare, early hold-off period. That was followed by a speedy clarification from the tower. Same chap also made circuit calls to a tower frequency around thirty miles away :oops:

Q: What's the purpose of the propeller?
A: To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!
A pilot is the highest form of life on Earth.....

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Post by AndyMax » Sun Jan 08, 2006 6:27 pm

a few weeks back at EIDW while I was towing an aircraft I heard ground tell an Alitalia.

"there is an aircraft on your stand. Dont worry we will get you in before Christmas".

the Alitalia pilot replied..."yeah, this year or next?"

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Eidw 747
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Post by Eidw 747 » Mon Jan 09, 2006 11:46 pm

Story from the U.S.................

Busy Airfield with 10 a/c lined up to take off.

Unknown a/c: " Im fuckin bored".

Tower: "a/c who made the last transmission, Identify yourself"

Unknown a/c: " I said i was fuckin bored .. Not Fuckin Stupid"

Gave everyone waiting a great laugh!!!

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Post by Rallye EIBFP » Wed Jan 11, 2006 6:17 pm

'Shannon from speedbird 51G'

'Go Ahead 51G'

'Any reports of turbulence up ahead?'

'Standby, Break Air France 010 Shannon'

'Go Ahead Shannon'

'Whats the ride like at FL350?'

Slight pause

(in a french accent) 'Well, there is no women in the cockpit, so we do not know!'

Laughter from Shannon and the BA51G.

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Dutch Roll
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Post by Dutch Roll » Wed Jan 11, 2006 9:06 pm

did the speedbird 51G press the PTT and laugh in to it?? ha
115 VAC @400Hz

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Post by Rallye EIBFP » Sat Jan 14, 2006 10:59 am

Yep.

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Dutch Roll
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Post by Dutch Roll » Sat Jan 14, 2006 3:41 pm

i remember an oceanic clearance one afternoon with a speedbird i think,the pilot was hysterical laughing while relaying the clearance back and sped up his rt it up to get off the air.
115 VAC @400Hz

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Post by Rallye EIBFP » Sat Jan 14, 2006 9:10 pm

I have heard pilots having coughing fits and sneezing and keeping the PTT pressed.........pilots these days! :lol:

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the stupid security guard

Post by themightycelt » Sat Apr 15, 2006 2:28 pm

This is a true story my instructor told me about a ppl student he had in states,this guy was a security guard doing a solo xc to las vegas while he was routing over the rocky mountains the atc asked he to squak alt and this guy hadnt a clue what he was being asked so he looked at transponder and taught ok he wants me to squak alt which must means squak altitude so he was flying 7500feet(over mountains) so what did he do ,he squaked 7500 (hijacking squak code) so atc noticed the code asked the guy to confirm and the guy paused for a sec looked at his transponder saw 7500 and affirm....... then the controller asked the guy is their a gun onboard to which the pilot replied affirm and named the gun i cant remember was 5yrs ago(this guy was a security guard so had all his stuff in his bag) , then the controller asked the pilot what his intentions were and the novice just answered well id like a straight in to vegas to which he was cleared while on apr the guy noticed all the police fire engines etc and had caused a hell of a lot of delays and probs for himself and the instructor.I taught it was very good story and lot of guys with only a few hours and not alot of knowledge of air law and a/c systems could make a familiar mistakes. but nice story all the same
The sun always shines in my office

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Dutch Roll
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Post by Dutch Roll » Sat Apr 15, 2006 3:14 pm

I heard this wednesday afternoon(12/4/06) not sure of the callsign but it was on one of those High level shannon frequencies

Pilot in an american Accent:

''Shannon if you get us to slow down any more were gona die''
115 VAC @400Hz

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Post by michael747 » Thu Apr 20, 2006 6:37 am

:D :D LOL

i'd say that was halarious Dutch

Americans 8)

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Post by jonkil » Sun Aug 13, 2006 12:33 pm

Try this one...it is a real laugh
You click the yellow speaker in the word.doc file to get the sound..
Read the instructions before you play it.
You can left click the link and select "save target as" if you want the file on your PC.
Enjoy

http://www.esatclear.ie/~xair/announcements.doc

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Dutch Roll
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Post by Dutch Roll » Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:33 pm

an old one but brilliant
115 VAC @400Hz

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