PILOT: Control tower, what time is it please?
CONTROLLER: Who are you flying for?
PILOT: Why does that matter?
CONTROLLER: If you're Air Force it's 15 hundred hours, if you're Ryan Air it's 3 o'clock, if you're Swiss Air its 15 03 and if you're with BA its Thursday.
A no-frills airline
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If:
1.They don't sell tickets, They sell chances.
2.All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
3.Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
4.If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
5.You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
6.Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
7.The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
8.When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
9.The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
10.You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once.
11.No movie. Don't need one.
12.Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
13.You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
14.All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
Aer Lingus ---- Aer Fungus,
Aeroperu ---- Aeroperhaps
Air Afrique ---- Air Freak(out)
Air Canada ---- Err Canada
Air France ---- Air Chance
Air Wisconsin ---- Scare Wisconsin
Alleghany ---- Air Agony Air
British Airways ---- Brutish Scareways
Cascade Airways ---- Crashcade Scareways
Continental ---- Contemptible
Lufthansa ---- Lusthansa
Midwest Express ---- Midwest Excess
Mohawk ---- Slowhawk
Northwest ---- Northworst
Piedmont ---- Piedmonster
QuebecAir ---- Quick Air
TWA ---- TightWad Airlines
United ---- Untied
US Air ---- Useless Air , US Scare
Hope u enjoy!
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
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